Durty Vegas
by Mentally-Unstable
Summary: A trip to Vegas leads to embarrassing and unexplainable events! oh joy! Pass the popcorn!
1. Chippendales

**Durty Vegas Chapter One**

**A/N: Yes..another stury from Mentally-Unstable. :D I said it was a stury..I didn't say it was good! Read it or die..I know where you live. MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!**

_This trip is gonna rock! _Melony thought as she stared out the airplane window. 14 days..two whole weeks in Sin City. Vince thought she, Autumn, and a few other superstars could use a break since they were some of WWE's most overworked superstars.

"This is gonna be awesome, don't you think?" Melony looked at Autumn who was seated next to her, who had headphones one with music so loud that Melony could hear a blur of screaming and electric guitar.

"You're gay." Melony mumbled and rolled her eyes.

"Wha..who's gay?" Shane asked drowsily as he wiped the drool from the corner of his mouth. Melony snickered and glanced back at him, "I was talking about Autumn."

"What? Autumn's gay?!"

"No..I was joking!"

"Oh. Ok." Shane shrugged and dozed off again.

"I can't wait to play Blackjack," Eddie said happily, "Seriously, holmes, it's my favorite."

"Yeah, me and Autumn are going to Chippendales!" Mel grinned.

"What?" Autumn asked and removed her headphones, "Did I hear something about potato chips? I'm starving."

"I said Chippendales."

"Ohh..even better!"

"You're going to Chippendales?" Shelton asked, "That's cheesy..with a Z..cheezy."

"Then you do a better job!" Autumn said jokingly. Shelton stood up and started dancing while slooooowlly taking off his shirt.

"Dude, sit down! She was kidding!" Christian yelled. Shelton burst out laughing as he sat back down.

"Ugh..will you shut up?" Shane groaned, "I'm trying to sleep!"

"We're going to Vegas and all you can think of is sleep?" Christian asked.

"I wanna be well rested." Shane said as he buried his head deeper into the pillow.

"Are you hungover?" Billy(Gunn) asked. Shane looked up at him, "Ok, maybe a little."

"Aren't you supposed to save the hangover-ness for Vegas?"

"I was celebrating out trip!"

"You celebrated too much."

"C'mon Billy, there's no such thing as too much celebration!" Autumn said, "Especially if it involves alcohol and loud music."

"Let me guess," Mel said, "Hangovers rock your sox?"

"YAH!"

"You're an idiot."

"Ok, maybe sometimes."

"No, all the time."

"No, all the time." Audi mocked. Mel rolled her eyes and picked up Audi's walkman, "What are you listening to?"

"A cd I burnt. Burned..burnt..which is right?"

"Of who?"

"Random stuff..Slipknot..Three Days Grace..you know who I listen to."

"Dude...we're going to Vegas, man!" Eddie yelled, "Yo man, it's exciting! And the best part is, we don't have to work."

"Sweeeeeeeeeeeet." Everyone said in parallel.

"I hear Vegas has the very best Corona." Mel said with a grin.

"All Corona is the same." Autumn pointed out

"Yeah, I just wanted to say that."

"Hehheh..niiiicce."

"Where are we staying?" Mel asked as she, Autumn, Shane, Eddie, Shelton, Christian, and Billy walked out of the airport.

"Uhh.." Autumn pulled a piece of paper out of her pocket. "Oh yay! Mandalay Bay!" She said and high fived Melony.

"What are we driving?" Eddie asked.

"These." Melony said and stopped. In front of them were two cars; one black and red Porsche 911 and one blue 1959 Cadillac.

"DIBS ON THE PORSCHE!!" Autumn screamed as she ran up to it, "Holy crap, this is my dream car!" She carefully ran her hands over the driver's side door. "Is this..a dream?" She asked as she opened the door and got in. She popped the trunk and Billy began throwing their bags into the trunk.

"Ooh..can I drive?" Shane asked as he ran over to the Cadillac.

"No way, I'm driving!" Shelton said. Melony nodded and threw the keys to Shelton. Christian was already putting their bags in the trunk.

"Ooohhh..I lurve it!!" Autumn yelled and jumped on the bed. "Cool! A mini-bar! Oooh..a jacuzzi?!!"

"Your room has a jacuzzi too?!"

"Yes! A jacuzzi!!"

"Oooohhhhhhoooooo!!!"

"I'll never understand women." Shane mumbled.

Autumn ran over and opened the curtain to reveal practically all of the Vegas Strip. "We were here like, two years ago, right?"

"Yeah!" Mel said and walked over to the window.

"Hey, it's just like on the TV show!"

"Oh yeah, you see the Montecito anywhere?"

"Where's Josh Duhamel?!"

Shane shook his head in disbelief and walked out.

"Hey, when are we going to Chippendales?" Autumn asked and sat down. "Whenever we find it." Mel replied.

"Let's go see Seigfried and Roy!" Autumn and Melony exchanged looks and both of them said; "Look but don't touch, but touch when I'm not looking!"

Later that night, Melony and Autumn asked around and found where the nearest Chippendales was. The two of them flashed ID's and paid entrance fee's to get in. The two of them were seated at a table close to the stage where dudes danced. A guy walked up to the table, all he had on was a bowtie, cufflinks, and buttless chaps. "Can I get you ladies something?" He asked.

Melony and Autumn just stared, with huge smiled on their faces.

Finally, Melony said, "We'll take two Corona's." And the guy walked off.

Autumn was staring at his butt as he walked away. Melony laughed.

A guy walked onto the stage and said, "Ladies' and..well..ladie's! It's my honor to announce tonight's special, the British Babe Kyle and the Italian Stallion Max!" And walked off.

Cheesy..with a Z..cheezy music began playing as two guys walked out.

"Hm..those guys look familiar." Autumn mumbled as she took a sip of her Corona.

"You probably saw them in a magazine or something/"

Audi kept staring and finally, "OHMIGOD! I know them!"

Melony was about to say something when her cell phone rang....

**TBC....**


	2. What kind of idea?

**Durty Vegas Chapter 2**

**A/N: Whooooo..good feedback on the first chapter! So, I hope you guys like this chapter, too. Whatever floats ya boat. Anyhoo, read on, freekadelic peeps.**

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

"Hold on." Melony said as she answered her phone. It was her boyfriend, John, who had stayed in Wichita and promised her he would catch a later flight to Las Vegas. "Hey John!" Mel said happily, "What's up?"

"Nothing much. Hey, where are you? It sounds noisy. Is that Autumn yelling?"

Mel looked over at Audi, who was now dancing on the stage with Max and Kyle, yelling and dancing.

"Yeah..she's..jumping on the hotel bed with Eddie." Mel lied, "Hey, are you on a plane yet?"

"Actually, that's what I called to tell you."

"What? Is something wrong?"

"I'm not gonna be able to come to Vegas this time."

"What? What are you talking about?"

"They need me to start shooting the movie early, so I can't make it."

"John, come on! We were gonna do all that..stuff."

"I'm sorry, baby, but they need me!"

"Whatever. Me and Autumn will just go to Chippendales. BYE!" She yelled and hung up. She motioned for the waiter guy to come back, and ordered four more Corona's, all for her.

"Screw him, man." She said as she downed half of one. "I'm in Vegas, there's plenty of dudes to go around!"

"ACK!" Autumn stumbled and fell off the stage. Five minutes later, she jumped up and yelled, "I'M OK!!!!!"

"And..plenty of idiots." Mel downed the rest of her drink and then jumped on the stage.

**XXXXXXXXXXXX**

"You know what I like?" Shelton asked as he and Billy walked through the Casino. "I dunno," Billy shrugged, "What?"

"I like...thongs."

"Really? Why?"

"Cause I'm an ASS MAN!!" Shelton sang. Billy laughed, then whacked Shelton with his plastic cup.

"Ow! That hurt!"

"I know..I meant for it to."

"Peekabooo...I seeee yoouuuu.." Came a voice from somewhere. Billy looked around, confused, "Who said that?" He looked down to see Autumn crouched down with her arm around his leg and a Heinekin in her other hand. "Hiiii Biiiillllllyyyy." She said with a hic.

"Autumn? What are you..?"

"SHHHHH!!! I"M A SPY!"

"A spy for who?"

"A spy for...uhh..hic..KISS ME YOU FOOL!" She tried to pull Billy down to kiss him, but she ended up falling over.

"Autumn..how much have you had to drink?" Billy asked.

Autumn..who was now lying on the floor on her back..shook her head. "Dude..like..a lot?"

"Maybe I should take you to your room.."

"Noooo!" She got on her hands and knees and crawled away.

"Hey, where's Mel?" Shelton asked, "Didn't she and Autumn leave together?"

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

"Hey..gimme another Tequila!" Melony said. The bartender came over to pour her another shot, but she just grabbed the bottle and drank straight from it.

"Melony? What are you doing here?" Christian asked as he sat down beside her, "I thought you went to Chippendales."

"Yeah, I did. But Audi was keeping all the guys to herself, plus I needed more alcohol."

He laughed, "Where's Autumn now?"

She shrugged, "I dunno..crawling around on the floor somewhere."

Christian had a confused look on his face.

"Don't ask."

"Ok, I won't. Bartender! Can I get some Rum and Coke, please?"

-4 Bottles of Tequila, 3 limes, and 15 large Rum and Coke's later-

"Oh my God! And this..hehe..one time..haha..I heh..I can't remember!"

Melony and Christian burst out laughing.

"Oh...you tell great stories, Mel!" He said, his words a bit slurred.

She nodded, "Yeah, I'm an awesome storytellerpersonthing."

"Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!" Autumn was riding on Billy's back, and he was running through the bar.

"OhmyGod.." Mel said. "There's Autumn! Hiiiiiiii Auuuutttuuumnmmmmnmnmmmnmnmnmnnnnnmmmmnn!"

"Hey.." Christian said, "I just got the craziest idear!"

"What?"

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

"Hit me." Eddie said. The dealer laid down a 5 of Hearts card next to the 5 of Spades.

"Hit me."

A five of Clubs.

"Hit me."

A five of Diamonds.

"H-H-Hit me."

An Ace of Spades. "Blackjack!"

"Holy crappit I won!" Eddie yelled, "I WON I WON I WON!!"

"Shelton!!" Shane said and ran up to him, "Dude, I can't get the ATM machine to work! Can I borrow some money?"

"For what?"

"The quarter slot machine!"

"What? Man, you've been there all night long! Take a break!"

"I don't want a break! I want moolah! OW!!!" He looked down to see Autumn biting his knee.

"I think she's had more than just a few drinks." Shelton said.

Billy walked up, picked Autumn up, slung her over his shoulder, and walked away.

"Oh Billy! You naughty boy!!" Autumn giggled, "To the bar! I need VODKA!"

"Damn..that hurt." Shane mumbled as he rubbed his knee. "Now..can I have some dough?"

Sheltie sighed and handed Shane a $20.

"Thanks, dude." Shane smiled and walked away.

Meanwhile

"By the power vested in me by the state of Nevada, I now pronounce you man and wife..on one condition."

"What's that?"

"You have to wear these for two weeks."

"O...hic...K!"

"You may kiss the bride."

**TBC.........**

**A/N: THE SUSPENSE!! THE SUSPENSE IS KILLING ME!!**


	3. FunHole

**Chapter Three**

**Author's Note: 'Sup peeps of the M-U nation?!?!?! Yeah..give it up..cause now I'm back! (Dances) Pssh. Like you care. (Sniffle) I'm sure promises mean nothing to you right now! (Snifsnif) Yeah..that didn't make sense. Meh. Name something I say that DOES make sense. Hah. Anyhoo, this chap is dedicated to CNIMBWM. Thanks you guys for all the great reviews, btw. **

**XXXXXXXX**

"Uhh..ow..what?" Melony groaned as she sat up in her hotel room bed. "What the hell? Ow..my head...damn." She started to get up, but she was dragged down by someone's arm. She looked at her wrist, and saw that she was hand cuffed to...**SHELTON BENJAMIN. **

"Holy shit!" She yelled, "OW!"

Shelton stirred, then opened his eyes and yawned. "Huh?..Hm..what? What's going on? Did somebody die? WHO DIED?!"

"Ow! Stop yelling!"

"Wha..? Damn..my head. Uhh..why are we..hand cuffed?"

"What's with all the yelling?!"

Melony and Shelton exchanged "WTF?" looks and looked over the edge of the bed to see Autumn and Billy, lying on the floor. Autumn was on top of Billy, and both of them were holding Vodka bottles. "What the hell is your problem?" Audi mumbled, as she snuggled closer to Billy.

"Why..is everyone..talking?" Shane asked as he stood up, stumbling a little. Eddie stood up beside him, "Yo holmes, I want TACOS!"

Eddie was wearing a shirt that said "I'M AMISH" and Shane was wearing a similar shirt that said "I HAVE 5IVE HUSBANDS".

"Hey..where's Christian?" Eddie asked.

"HERE!" Christian crawled out from under the bed and stood up. He was holding a whip, and wearing a skin tight leather shirt, buttless jeans, and wearing a "Robin" mask.

"Hey man, those are mine!" Billy said, pointing to the jeans.

"Dude," Autumn said, "What do your cheeks say?"

"One cheek says 'Fun', and the other one says 'Hole'."

"Duuuuudddee....that rox my sox."

"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?!!!" Mel screamed. Christian turned around and gasped, "Whoa! You two actually went through with it?"

"Went through with what?" Mel and Sheltie asked simultaneously.

"I told you to marry Shelton, but I didn't think you'd actually do it!"

"So..we're..uhh..married?" Shelton asked. Christian nodded, "Mr. And Mrs. Benjamin!"

"It's all about the Benjamin's!" Autumn yelled.

"Why are you on top of me?" Billy asked.

"I have no friggen idea..but your manboobies make nice pillows!"

Billy grinned, "So I've been told."

"Heehee..maaaannnnbbboooobbiieeess." She said, and squeezed his manboob.

"Oh God..we're married." Mel squeaked.

**XXX**

Everyone was in various places in the casino. Except for Mel and Shelton, cause, well, they were handcuffed together. And Autumn was hanging out with them.

"Sooo..when are you gonna have little Sheltie's?!" Autumn asked.

Melony laughed laconically, "Never."

"Aw honey..don't you lurve me?" Shelton said.

"I'd lurve you a lot more if I wasn't handcuffed to you."

"How are you gonna go to the bathroom?"

"_Autumn!"_

"Sor-ry."

"Uhh..Mel..I gotta pee."

"OH MY GOD!"

**XXX**

After finding some way for Shelton to pee(don't ask me how..it involved cucumbers..lots and lots of cucumbers..), he and Melony were sitting in a restaurant, eating.

"Ugh..after last night, I'm starved!" Mel said, shoving a hand full of fries into her mouth. Shelton nodded, and took a huge gulp of soda, "Yeah, and I don't even remember last night!"

"Me either..but imagining it makes me hungry."

"Hah! Yeah..tell me about it."

Autumn and Billy walked up.

"You two are awfully calm to be a married/handcuffed couple!"Autumn said, taking a sip of her oh-so-deliciously apple-y Appletini.

"Autumn..isn't it a little early to be drinking?" Mel asked.

"Uhh..no."

"I didn't think so!" Mel got up to walk to the bar, but fell over. "DAMMIT!"

"Melony!" Shelton yelled as he knelt down beside her, "Mel, are you ok?"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!" Audi and Billy said.

Melony stood up, and lunged at them.

"ACK!!" Audi shrieked as Melony landed on her, and Sheltie went flying into Billy. All 4 of them collapsed on the floor..and then got kicked out of the restaurant.

"All that cause we said 'Aw'?" Autumn asked, rubbing the back of her head, "Dude..drink a beer."

"That's what I need! Come, Shelton!" Mel exclaimed, dragging Shelton away.

**XXX**

Back at the casino, Eddie and Shane were hanging out.

"Hey man," Eddie said, "I just got the _awesomest_ idea!"

"What?" Shane asked, slurping his Slurpee, which was the same color green as his hair.

"How about we throw Mel and Shelton a...wedding party thing!"

"Sweet! And we can do Karoke!"

"Yeah! Karoke rox my sox, holmes!"

"We should talk to the casino about it!"

"Yeah man..let's go!"

**XXX**

Melony and Shelton were walking into the casino, when she saw a poster.

"**Melony and Shelton's Wedding Bash! Come To Two Famous WWE Superstars' Wedding Party Thing!** **7:00 PM Tonight! Complete With Karoke!"**

"OH MY GOD!" The two of them screeched.

"Who the hell did this?" Mel asked.

"Wee diiiiid!" Shane and Eddie said.

"I'M GONNA KILL YOU!"

"There'll be lots of Tequila!"

"I'll go get ready!"

**To Be Continued...**

**A/N: Like it? Love it? Want some more of it? Whatever. Just reviiieeeeww!! And join my group. XD XD XD**


	4. Wedding Party BLAST!

**A/N: Yes..it is finally here! Mwaahhahahhhahhhaahhah!!! Happy New Year's guys! I hope 2005 is better than 2004. ;)**

**XXX**

"Oooh! Karaoke!" Autumn yelled and ran over to the stage.

"Oh no.." Melony mumbled and looked at Billy, "Hey, are you and Autumn a couple?"

"Uhh..I dunno."

"Whatever..where's the tequila?"

"Oooh, nachos!" Shelton said. Unfortunately, the tequila and the nachos were on opposite sides of the room, which caused, yet, another collapse.

"I swear, if that happens again, I'm chopping my hand off!" Mel said, angrily. Shelton helped her up and they went and got tequila.

Lots of strangers from the hotel had heard about the party and wandered in.

Eddie was up on stage, "Yo! People, can I have your attention?! OK, this party is to celebrate Melony and Shelton's wedding! Whooo. So, I just wanna say congratulations to you guys..man..I'm gonna cry!" Eddie wiped his eyes with his sleeve, "So, man, we love you guys!"

Everyone clapped. Autumn did a "cartwheel" behind Eddie, and SOMEHOW ended up on her back on the floor.

"Ok, everyone, time for KARAOKE!" Eddie said and walked off the stage. He walked over to the "happy couple", "You know, I just realized something..."

"What?" Mel and Shelton asked simultaneously.

"Why are you wearing handcuffs?" "I have no friggen idea!" Mel said, and knocked back tequila.

Autumn stumbled up, "I'm gonna SING!" She finished off her tequila, threw it on the ground, and ran up to the stage.

"WHAT?!" Autumn screamed, "What do you mean you don't have the Teen Titans theme song? Fine, whatever, I'll take..ooh! That one!" She walked over somewhere, put on a veil, and walked back to the microphone just as the music started.

"This song is dedicated to my big tister, who's married and wearing handcuffs..whoo!"

Melony burst out laughing as she listened to her sister "sing."

"I like your pants around your feet..do do do..and I like the da-hurt on your knees...and you know whyyy? Case I'm an ASS MAN!! AHHH!!" She stumbled and fell of the stage.

"I'm OK!"

By now, Melony was crying from the laughter.

Billy walked up to the stage, "Uhh..yeah..whatever..hit it people!"

Cue the muzac.

"If you like Pina Coladas! And gettin' caught in the rain..if you're not into yoga..."

Melony and Shelton both had a look like this OO.

When Billy finished, Melony really didn't want to hear anymore horrible singing. But then! Shane got up on stage to sing, when the lights went out. Everyone was freaking out, until a gunshot was heard, followed by a scream.

When the lights came back on, Shane was lying on the stage.

"SHANE!!" Melony screamed, and ran towards the stage, naturally followed by Shelton.

"Someone call 911!" Eddie yelled, as he knelt beside Shane, "Yo holmes, where you hit?"

"Dude..I think..my ass.." Shane replied.

Autumn ran up, "Oh no! Who shot Shane in the arse?!"

Mel thwhacked her, "Dammit, Autumn! This is no time to be funny!"

"Must give CPR!" Autumn started to pound Shane in the chest, then decided it probably wouldn't be such a good idea.

"UGH! You idiot!" Mel yelled, "DID SOMEONE CALL 911?!!"

**XXX**

"Oh my God..I see the light..it's a blinding light..so..pretty.."

"Dude, you got shot in the arse!! I don't think it's fatal."

"Oh yeah.." Shane shrugged, "Whatever..I'm hungry."

Autumn nodded, "Me too. Want me to bring you something from the cafeteria?"

"Sure..see if they have Jell-O!"

Autumn nodded and left.

"GREEN JELL-O!" Shane yelled.

"Man, you just got shot in the ass and all you can think about is green Jell-O?" Edde asked and shook his head, "That's whacked."

Shane nodded, "Getting shot in the ass makes a man hungry!"

"I HAVE GREEN JELL-O!" Autumn screamed as she ran back into the room, handing Shane a Jell-O cup and spoon, then sitting down in a chair to eat her own. "Mm..Jell-O-ess-ness!" Autumn mumbled, "Hey Shane, do you have any idea who might want to shoot you..in the ass? Haha."

"Well," Shane began, "That was kinda the reason I was being such an ass--no pun intended--because I'd been getting these threatening notes signed 'M.J.' "

"AH-HA!" Autumn said, and popped up, "A CLUE! No need to worry, Shane! Det. Stokes is on the case!"

"Who's Det. Stokes?" Mel asked.

"ME!"

"Your last name isn't Stokes!"

"It is in my fantasies." Autumn said, and practically danced out the door.

Melony rolled her eyes.

Billy stood up, "I'm gonna go make sure she doesn't steal any morphine." He said and walked out.

"Guys, don't let me keep you from having your..handcuffed-in-Vegas fun!" Shane said, "You guys just go out and have fun."

"Aw, we can't just leave you here!" Mel said.

Shane shook his head, "No, seriously, go gamble and drink..I'm cool!"

"Hey, has anyone seen Christian?" Shelton asked.

Everyone shook their heads.

---Somewhere in Vegas...---

"Welcome to the stage..Captain Charisma!" Christian came out on stage and spun around the pole.

Women(and a few dudes) stuffed dollar bills in his sequined tighties.

---Back at the hospital....---

"I don't think I want to know where he is." Shane mumbled.

**XXX**

"Autumn! Where are you?!" Billy called as he walked down the halls of the hospital.

He looked over and saw a tall figure, dress all in black, with a hood.

Billy looked at the "things" face..was that who he thought it was?

"Excuse me..."

"NO HABLA ENGLES!" The thing yelled and ran off.

"Psst..Billy! In here!"

"Huh?"

The door of the maintance closet opened, Autumn reached out, grabbed Billy, and pulled him inside.

**TO BE CONTINUED............**


	5. Kittens, Truckswhaaat?

**Author's Note: Whoooooooooooooo....a new chapter!! Read it and review it folks!...blah..I don't even care anymore. (Cries) NOBODY LURVES ME!**

**Ben: I lurve you.**

**MU: OO...whaa..?**

**Ben:(starts to sing) MU..I love you..like the wind loves the..trees..**

**MU: You know..your voice is so amazing, you could sing about crap and I would listen and drool.**

**Ben: Really?**

**MU: Yeah..but don't sing about crap, go back to lurving me.**

**Ben:(makes out with MU)**

**Randy: HEY! MUSIC BOY! GET LOST! (Kicks Ben)**

**Ben: (punches Randy)**

**Randy: OH NO YOU DI'INT!**

**(Fight breaks out)**

**MU:(sneaks away with Batista)**

**CNIMBWM:(pouring butterscotch on Luther)**

**Benoit:(running around frantically) I'M THE LOOOVVVVEEE MUUUFFIIINNN!!!**

**Daniel and Mike: W....T.....F?!!!?!?!?!?!??!?**

**ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ**

30 minutes later, Billy and Autumn emerged from the closet..and let's

just say they looked...messed up?

"Oh..hey Sherlock Holmes, find any clues?" Shane asked when the two of

them walked into the hospital room. Eddie almost spit out the Dr.

Pepper

he was drinking, "Oh my, God! Holmes! What were the two of you doing?!"

There was silence.....

"We..uhhhmm...went outside!" Billy said.

"And what? Got hit by a truck?" Melony asked with a grin.

"YAH!" Autumn yelled, "Uhh..sort of. See, there was this kitten in this

tree, and..."

Billy clasped his hand over her mouth and smiled, "What she means.."

"Look, if you two were in the Janitor's closet, just say so!" Shane

yelled.

Billy sighed, "Ok, fine! We were..kindasortamaybe in the maintance

closet."

"BFFONFMFS!" Audi mumbled.

Billy removed his hand from her mouth.

"But we only made out, I swear!" She said.

Shelton nodded, "Riiiiggghhhtt." He said, incredulously.

Suddenly, the door burst open, and Christian ran in, still in his

glittery outfit he wore in the strip club.

"OHMIGODIJUSTHEARDSOMEONEGOTSHOT! WHOGOTSHOT?

OHMIGODSHANEMYBESTFRIENDNOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!" He knelt beside Shane's

hospital bed and "wept."

"Uhh..Christian..I got shot in the ass. I'm not gonna die."

"Oh." Christian stood up, "Well, in that case..does anyone have any

green Jell-O?"

"Here." Autumn said, and threw him a cup of the Jell-O. He didn't catch

it, so it just..thwhacked him in the forehead.

"OW!" Christian yelled, rubbing his forehead, and glaring at Autumn.

"Don't look at me like that Mr. Glitter!"

"Speaking of glitter," Mel said, "Why are you wearing that?"

Christian blushed a deep shade of crimson and laughed nervously,

"Errrr...well...uhm...I'm...Elvis? Ehhh."

Shane laughed, "Yeah, right..and I shot myself!"

Autumn let out an overly dramatic gasp, "Shane!! I thought you were

better than that!"

"Uhm..I was being sarcastic."

"........I knew that......."

"No you didn't."

"Ok..I didn't!"

"Dude, who shot you in the ass?" Christian asked.

"I know WHO!" Autumn yelled.

"Who?" Shane said.

Autumn got the most serious look on her face, "M.J."

If it had been saturday morning in Japan, everyone would've animé

crashed.

"Ugh..you are such an idiot!" Melony yelled.

"Seriously," Billy said, "I think you had more than a lot to drink the

other night, and it hasn't worn off yet!"

"No," Mel said, "She's always been an idiot."

"I'M TIRED OF BEING CALLED STOOPID WITH TWO 'O'S'!!" Autumn screamed.

"Hey..I was just kidding!"

"Hope you feel better soon, Shane. I'm going back to the hotel..I NEED

VODKA!" Audi picked up her jacket and stormed out. Everyone was kind

of...silent.

"What's her problem, holmes?" Eddie asked.

Christian shrugged, "Wrong time of the month?"

"Hey man, why do we always blame it on that?"

"I dunno."

Melony rolled her eyes, "Can we talk about something else? This convo

is

disgusting!"

"I'm gonna go find Autumn," Billy said and stood up, "And make sure she

isn't..ya know...Mentally Unstable."

**ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ**

Autumn was sitting alone at the bar, drinking vodka. Around her, CSI's

were looking for clues as to who shot Shane Helms in the arse. She

thought she caught a glimpse of Nick Stokes, but then decided it was a

hallucination. She looked over and saw a freaky looking card. Making

sure no one was watching, she used a napkin to pick up the card and

open

it. All that was written inside was two, huge, letters.

_M.J._

"Hah..I'm gonna prove I'm not stoopid." She mumbled.

Autumn just happened to know somebody who owed her a favor.

**ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ**

Billy was walking into the casino just as Autumn was walking out.

"Autumn..there you are! Are you ok?" He asked.

Autumn quickly hid the card and napkin behind her back, and nodded,

"Yeah..I'm just on my way to visit an old friend."

"Oh..well, do you..need someone to go with you?

Autumn smiled, "Thank you, Billy, but..this is..personal."

"Oh..ok. Well, see you later?"

"Yeah..bye." She smiled again, and walked away.

**ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ**

"God, I'm tired!" Melony said as she collapsed onto the bed, naturally

dragging Shelton down beside her.

"So..uhh..good night, then?" Shelton asked. Melony smiled, "Heh..I

guess."

"Ok..so..good night.." Shelton hesitated, then planted a passionate

kiss

on Melony's lips.

Melony..well..she didn't resist.

"What was..that for?"

"Well, you know, we are married."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

Shelton gave her a look.

Melony raised an eyebrow.

"Sweet."

**TBC.........**


	6. Interracial lovin! WOOOO Final chap

****

"Durty Vegas" Chapter 6

Author's Note: Ahh..it's here. The end of another Mentally Unstable saga. (sniffle) I'm gonna miss these here Vegas-centered escapades! (breaks down crying) ...I mean..uhhh...I'm cool. ON WITH THE SHOW! (dances off stage) Oh..yeah..(dances back to the stage)..I would like to thank any and all reviewers who have stuck by me these past six chapters! (sniffle) Even if I don't name names, you guys know who you are! Without you peeps this never would've been possible. (snif snif) THIS IS DEDICATED TO THE PEEPS OF THE MU NATION!..Oh wait..this isn't the Oscars? Shiznit.

****

...xXx...zZz...xXx...

Autumn was walking past Melony's suite when all of a sudden she heard a gunshot, followed by a scream. The door opened and Melony and Shelton ran out, Mel in a long t-shirt and Shelton in boxers. Eddie and Christian ran out soon. And Autumn let out a long, overly dramatic gasp.

__

"YOU MADE HOT PASSIONATE INTERRACIAL LOVE!" She screamed.

Melony was about to snap back when she noticed... "Hey, where's Billy?"

"AHHHHH! MY ASS!" A voice screamed. Autumn ran over and opened the door to Billy's room to find him lying on the floor in a pool of blood. "OHMYGODITHURTS!"

Autumn had pulled out her cell phone and was already on the phone with 911.

****

...xXx...zZz...xXx...

(5 or 6 hours later...)

Melony, Autumn, Eddie, and Christian walked into Billy and Shane's hospital room.

"Billy! Are you ok?" Autumn asked and ran over to his bed.

"My ass hurts!" Billy replied.

"It's freaky man." Shane said, "Who the hell is 'M.J.' and why did they shoot us in the ass of all places?"

Melony shook her head,"I dunno...but the police said they're working on it."

Shelton laughed, "But you gotta admit..it's pretty fricken hilarious!"

Mel whacked Shelton on the arm, "Shut up..it is not!"

Shelton continued laughing, and Christian ran over to Billy's bedside.

"NOMYBESTBUDDYICAN'TBELIEVETHISISHAPPENINGWHYYYYY?"

Shane threw his (empty) bedpan and hit Christian in the leg, "Hey! Dammit, you said I was your best buddy!"

"OW!" Christian yelled, "Hey, there's plenty of Captian Charisma to go around, baby! Yeeaah."

Autumn rolled her eyes, "You are aware..Captian Charisma is the cheesiest name ever!" She said.

"It is NOT!" Christian shoved Autumn.

"Didn't your mama ever tell you not to shove ladies!" She shoved him.

"Who's a lady!" He shoved her.

"Dude LOOKS like a lady!" She shoved him.

"WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE!" Shelton screamed.

Everyone looked at him and blinked.

"Yo holmes..." Eddie said, "What is up with that?"

Shelton sighed, "Two people have been shot and all you can talk about is a cheesy name?"

"You were laughing about it a minute ago!" Melony pointed out.

"So YOU think it's cheesy, too?" Christian asked.

Billy rolled his eyes, "I think you've all gone cuckoo!"

"Oh yeah..definitely." Shane nodded.

"Hey..what about the scene in the hallway?" Eddie asked, out of the blue.

Melony and Shelton exchanged looks.

"What scene?" Mel asked.

"You know, holmes, the scene where Autumn yelled something about hot passionate interracial lovin'!"

Autumn laughed, "Oh yeeaaah..I forgot."

Shane popped up, "Who made hot passionate interracial love!"

"I want DETAILS!" Billy yelled.

"Freak." Both Melony and Shelton said.

At that moment, a cell phone rang.

"Shello?" Autumn said into the mouth piece, "No way! That was fast!"

Melony raised an eyebrow.

"No, I can't wait..tell me!" And then, she gasped.

"THAT DIRTY WHORE! Ok, thanks so much man, I will SO pay you back." SHe hung up the phone, "I know what 'M.J.' stands for."

"What?" Everyone asked.

"Miss Jackie."

"I'M GONNA KILL THAT BITCH!" Shane screamed.

At that moment, the door opened, and in walked Jackie Gayda..with a .25 automatic..complete with a silencer. "It's about TIME you figured it out!" She said.

"What the hell is your problem!" Eddie yelled.

"Shut up, chalupa!"

"Oh, like I'm scared of a little girl like you, essay!"

"Hey! Who's got the gun?"

"OK, point taken."

"Why did you shoot us!" Billy yelled, "Because of you..my ass is no longer soft and pinchable!"

"Because.." Jackie said, "Why were the six of you chosen to go to Vegas? While I get stuck working my ass off!"

"But..you never do anything!" Autumn pointed out.

"Shut it." Jackie aimed the gun at Autumn's head.

"Ok..." She squeaked.

"Then..how did you get here?" Christian asked.

"SmackDown! has a few shows here this week. I thought I'd use it to get revenge."

"But..now you ARE in Vegas," Shelton said, "So..you have no reason to hold a grudge!"

Jackie looked around the room nervously, "Hmm..good point. I DON'T CARE! NOW YOU WILL ALL DIE!"

Again, aiming the gun at Autumn, she was about the pull the trigger when the door burst open, hitting Jackie in the back and sending her(and the gun!) flying across the room and onto the floor.

"Whew..got here just in time." The dude said, "Take her away boys."

Cops ran in and handcuffed Jackie, while reading her her rights.

"And..you are?" Melony asked.

"Uh..Greg." The guy said, "I'm a friend of Autumn's."

"YAY!" Autumn yelled and hugged us, "You saved us!"

Greg laughed, "Well, you are the one who brought in the card."

"What the hell are you two talking about?" Melony asked.

Autumn explained how she had known Greg a long time, and he happened to work in a police lab. So she took the card she found at the crime scene to his lab to see if he could lift any finger prints. Thankfully, Jackie didn't wear any gloves, so there was a full set of prints, so Greg ran them through the database and came up with "Jacqueline Gayda". Who's also been to jail for aggravated assault and arson.

"I would've gotten away with it too! If it wasn't for you and your damn lab nerd!" Jackie yelled as the cops stuffed her in the car.

"Oh, they're gonna love you where you're going!" Autumn said witha smirk and a goodbye wave.

A well-dressed man with a briefcase walked up to Melony and Shelton, "Excuse me.." He said, "My name is Mark Woest..I'm a lawyer with the Eoest And Woest law firm."

"Oh crizzap!" Shelton mumbled.

"Are you Mr. And Mrs. Shelton Benjamin?"

They nodded.

"You were married at the Wed-N-Go Drive Through?"

The nodded again.

"Well, I'm afraid I have some bad news. The Wed-N-Go was a scam--a cover up for a drug ring. Your marriage isn't legal. I'm sorry."

Melony stared at him, "Uhm..wha..huh?"

"So, we're both handcuffed together for nothing?" Shelton asked.

The lawyer nodded, "Yes..I'm afraid so. But if you come with me, I can have someone cut them off and we can all fill out the necessary paperwork."

Shelton smiled, "Yes sir..but Melony and I need to talk to someone first."

The exchanged looks, and Melony nodded.

**__**

"CHRISTIAN!"

-FIN-

Author's Note: Wooooooooooooo! (mumbles) That's one more piece o' crap that I can flush... (normal) I MEAN UHHHHH. I LIKE SOOO HOPE ALL YOU GIRLIES AND GUYIES LIKIE ITIE! SMOOOOOOCHIES! (Note: This is a message from Mark Woest, attorney of Mentally-Unstable, and a guy with a cameo in this story..any and all words that end in "ie" or sound like the words used by vally girls and/or fangirls was used completely for humor purposes. Mentally-Unstable is not responsible for any misunderstandings or complaints you may have. If you have any misunderstandings, call 1-800-555-MARK, if you have any complaints, call 1-800-KISSMYASS. Any and all compliments or constructive critisism can be sent in a review or an email. Thank you, have a good 4th Of July.) And I, Mentally-Unstable, am not responsible for anything offensive that Mr. Woest just said. Thanks peeps, I'm outie...PEACE!


End file.
